Archive for January, 2012


What happens when you stop liking something you’ve always liked? Something that’s become a huge part of your identity.

I’ve been a tennis fan my entire life. A big tennis fan. I’ve gone to the US Open here in NY since I was a kid and I’ve always watched all the major and many of the less-than-major tournaments on TV. When I discovered Twitter in the summer of 2009 my tennis obsession reached new heights. A whole world of other tennis fans, tennis blogs, and constant tennis news was open up to me. And I became even more obsessed.

I streamed obscure tournaments on my computer, I followed players’ every moves, I started attending a tourment in Cincinnati with a friend of a friend who I’m now happy to call just a friend, and I even started a tennis blog with that friend.

But now I don’t know. Tennis doesn’t do much for me. After the end of last year’s US Open I just didn’t have it in me to follow the fall tournaments. I figured I was just burnt out and the desire would come back in the new year. But the new year is here and the interest just isn’t there.

The Australian Open is almost over and I haven’t watched a second of coverage. Tonight is the first night I’m even following the scores live. Normally I’d be staying up late and waking up early to watch, but not now.

So my question is, what happens now? Lots of work friends and my friend who I have the blog with are asking me about the Aussie Open and I’ve been lying and pretending like I watch it. Well, not so much lying as just talking to them as though I’ve seen the things that they’re talking about.

I feel like being so immersed in the tennis world has actually made me like it less. And seeing how obsessed other people are makes me want to be the opposite. (This has always been a huge issue in my life, I move away from things once I realize how interested other people are.)

I hope my interest comes back. I like writing the blog with Ashley. I like going to Cincinnati every year. And I like going to the US Open.

If it doesn’t come back what do I tell people? “I just don’t like it any more.” That makes me sound crazy (which I’m sure I am, but…). We’ll see. My life as been so full lately I just don’t feel like I have time for anything else. I don’t see my life calming down any time soon, but hopefully I can find a way to fit tennis in because I do think my life with tennis is better than my life without tennis.


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I’ve had a very melancholy past few days. Friday day was great, I had a wonderful sales call, a good afternoon at work, but then I went to kickboxing and my stomach bothered me and I felt really weak and then it was down hill from there.

Saturday I was greeted by snow (I HATE snow) which meant cancelled plans. I made new plans, which were great, but I hate that stupid snow caused this disruption in my life. Plus I think I slept too long on Friday night, which always makes me sad.

Then on Sunday I had a wonderful brunch with one of my current roommates and one of our ex-roommates. Then we tried to go donate blood and I was denied! My hematocrit level was too low. In college I used to get denied all the time since my iron levels were low, but I ate a totally crap diet in college and didn’t take care of myself. It was so frustrating for me to be denied now because I am so careful about what I eat and taking care of myself.

This, combined with the fact that I was 8 (EIGHT!) pounds heavier Sunday morning than I was Friday (I know, water weight, but still, ugh), and my crappy kickboxing experience Friday just made me feel like all my healthy eating, calorie counting, and exercise was for nothing. Clearly not true, but still, a heck of a three things to be experiencing all together.

And I miss the beach. And the sun. Maybe I have the SAD.

Anyway, today was better. I’m still a little out of it, but it is Blue Monday. And you could tell it was Blue Monday by the attitude in my office.

But I had a delicious stir-fry for lunch, had a piece of king cake a co-worker brought back from New Orleans, attended a great kickboxing class, and ate a great dinner. So it’s improving.

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I don’t think I’m an awkward person. I think I have my awkward moments, but most of the time I think I’m pretty normal. I mean, I work in sales, I talk to people all the time, I can’t be that bad.

But today, in my office’s kitchen, I had one of the most awkward exchanges of my life.

I followed the head of my department in to the kitchen. We had the normal morning chit chat while I washed my spoon and made my breakfast and he made his tea. As I was at the sink an editor I know came in, followed by a man I didn’t recognized. But there are often people I don’t recognize, freelancers or whatever, and I didn’t think much of her not introducing me even though I had made eye contact with both of them.

The editor then asks the head of my department if she knows Tom Smith* who is a well-known fashion and lifestyle photographer we did a book with and are doing another book with. The editor and Tom are standing directly behind me talking to the head of my department and it’s really freaking weird.

Finally, the head of my department asks Tom if he knows me, Tom obviously says no, I turn around, Tom sticks his hand out to shake mine, and I panic. My hand is all wet from washing dishes and making breakfast but I don’t know what to do. Under normal circumstances I would have told him sorry my hand is wet or made a joke about grabbing a paper towel, but the whole experience was so weird that I kind of wiped my hand on my pants (MORTIFYING) and shook his hand. And he looked pretty appalled. As he should have.

Tom, the editor, and the head of my department then continued on with their discussion and I slowly left the kitchen trying not to start cracking up.

I went back to tell my boss, who’s also a good friend, this story, and she told me how I made an ass out of myself in front of “one of the coolest people in NYC.”

Thank god I have a sense of humor and find this all hilarious.

* Not his real name

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I did my 2011 taxes over the past few days. I am getting a surprising amount of money back this year (normally I don’t get much back), but what really stood out to me as I was doing it was the strange questions they ask.

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This question always makes me laugh because one year, right at the beginning of the year, I was having tons of issues with my eyes and all my friends joked that I was going to be blind soon. I guess that’s not really funny…

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These questions all seemed pretty normal until I got to the 6th one. It was just kind of randomly thrown in there.

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And who doesn’t want to share that they finished their taxes with their Facebook friends or Twitter followers? At least it doesn’t seem to post the amount of your refund.

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I had an interesting g-chat with a friend today:


Natalie: agreed Alexis and i were talking about our state of Melacholia and we were like Maggie never gets sad
me: lol really?
Natalie: yes
me: lol good, i also can’t believe you guys think i’m happy all the time
Natalie: well you arent HAPPY but you dont let stuff get you down
That she and our other friend think this about me really shocked me. It’s not that I think I’m an unhappy person, but, like everyone I feel like I struggle with being happy and unhappy and a whole range of emotions.
My reply to her was this:
i think i have a really healthy perspective and i’ve developed really healthy ways of dealing with sadness, stress, and anxiety
Which is really what I think. I do think I’m an optimist by nature and I don’t know if that’s something inherent or something that can be learned, but I think it’s immensely helpful.
I also believe that my attitude and my ability to put things in the proper perspective and handle things are all choices I make. Every day when I wake up I make a choice to be happy and excited about my day. And throughout the day I make choices that make me happy or to find the good in bad things. (Obviously people with depression/anxiety/etc. don’t have the ability to make these choices, I’m speaking as a relatively mentally healthy person.)
I also think that I’m very good at compartmentalizing and making excuses. There are probably things in my life that should upset me more or worry me more, but I’m very good at shutting them down and not thinking about them or passing them off as someone else’s problem. That is the unhealthy side of all of this.
But it is nice to be considered a happy person and to have two good friends think of me as someone who has a healthy outlook on life.

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Young Adult

I was going to write about the two meals I cooked this weekend, but my camera is holding my pictures hostage.

Expensive crap.

Anyhow, I will instead discuss Young Adult, which I went to see tonight.


(Image found here.)

Overall I liked it very much. It wasn’t funny, it was sad. Perhaps it was more sad because I could see some (SOME) of the character in me and quite a bit of the character in other people I know.

And the covers of her YA series were awful, they should have made those more realistic (hi, I’m Maggie and I work in publishing).

I would recommend it, just don’t expect to laugh a lot. And wow is Charlize Theron pretty. I think she has the perfectly shaped/proportioned face (hi, I’m Maggie and I’m really weird).

It’s about to get weirder up in here. There’s something about me that makes people want to make out next to me on the subway. I don’t know what it is, but it happens all the time. So I’m going to start documenting them.

I should have stolen their giant bag while they were busy sucking each other’s faces.

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Things to Remember

I did a whole lot of nothing today. Even though I spent a large portion of my time in Puerto Rico relaxing I still find traveling to be exhausting and I was happy to have a day to recover.

Before I left I was very worried about how I would do with my new years resolutions while traveling and I wondered if the motivation would still be there when I came back? It’s hard to eat right and exercise while traveling and then it’s hard to get back on the wagon when you haven’t been eating right and exercising. Vicious circle.

But I found my time away to be completely restoring and, if it’s possible, I feel more motivated to have a wonder 2012 and reach my goals. In honor of reentering the real world I wanted to write down a few of the feelings I thought/learned in Puerto Rico that I want to remember as I live my regular life…

1. Relax. It’s easy to do on the beach where you have no where to be and nothing that needs to get done, but there’s no need to hurry through life or be impatient or aggressive.

2. If something doesn’t seem so great at first, give it time and keep an open mind. It could turn out to be really amazing. Or at the very least not so terrible.

3. Read more. I finished 5 books on my trip. I love reading, I need to set aside time to do it.

4. Put myself out there and be more social. It’s hard, it’s awkward, but people are generally nice and if they’re not, then you move on.

5. Stop and admire the beauty of what’s around. It might not always be waves crashing on the beach, palm trees, and rainbows, but there is beauty every where and there’s no reason I can’t always be thankful for where I am and what’s around.

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